Fabulosity

You always hear people say, "Kids are so honest" and "Kids say the cutest things".

Really?!

Because my kids aren't entirely truthful.  In fact, they are downright gifted at bending and twisting the truth to suit their purposes.  And the things they say, while often funny, aren't always that cute.

I think it would be more accurate to say that kids say things that cut to the quick, and strip you of any idea you might be harboring of yourself having anything remotely approaching Fabulosity (don't know if this is a real word, but you know what I mean).  My kids are brutal.  And I choose to believe that the cutting commentary isn't honest.  It's either meant to be funny or mean.  Because if they are saying what they think...then I am not as Fabulous as I like to think.  And I've been wresting with/ceding points to Barbie Girl for too long to let go of my dreams of being Fabulous.

The following are only a few examples of the tender nuggets of "honesty" my kids have dropped in the past week:

• Delivered by Drama, after I descended the stairs ready to go out for the evening: "Mama!  You look so nice!!  You can hardly even see your eye crinkles!!  You know, you should put on make-up like that Every Day."  Ouch.
• As said by Trouble, in a big crowd of mommies walking their preschoolers to the elevator after ice skating class: "It's Okay, Mama!"  to which I reply, "What's okay?"  the cheeky little turd turns back to me with a devilish grin and says, "It's Okay about your Great Big Butt!"  and then she turned and ran down the ramp all the way to elevator laughing maniacally.  Don't think the entire crowd of miniature, pocket-sized Asian mommies who could seriously swap underpants with my 6 year old, weren't checking out my backside with great empathy and sad eyes.  
• Once again, Trouble, proving why she has earned her moniker: "I don't know how towel got there"  Said towel was a fluffy white heavy Egyptian hand towel from my bathroom...soaked in pine cleaning solution (bright yellow) and lying in the middle of her playroom.  Hmmmm.  Change tactics.  "Hey, Trouble...did you clean your playroom by yourself?"  Happy grin of pride. "Yes, Mama!  Did I do a good job?"  I turn and walk into the utility room where I find 4 bottles of cleaning product on the floor, open.  A pile of my best bath linen pulled out of the laundry basket waiting for destruction.  Big Talk about dangers of chemicals and how I appreciate her "help", she cannot do that.  I confess to actually asking her if she wants to be a maid when she grows up.  Shocked eyes and then, a "NO!". I actually think she was playing Cinderella.  That's what I get for leaving her alone in the playroom to go upstairs and cover my "crinkly eyes".  
• Drama, in all seriousness: "Mama, when I grow up, will my skin start to pull off and have dents in it, too?"  This is why you do not shower with your children after they are capable of speaking.  And I've recently adopted a Pants Policy.  I don't let my kids see me without pants.  My ego can't take it.
• Reviewing our passport photos on Sunday.  Drama: "Wow mom.  That's when you were young and pretty."  I felt obligated to point out that the photo was taken JUST before I found out I was pregnant with her.  I've gotten progressively less Young and Pretty since.  Thanks, Girls.

I remember hearing when I was pregnant with Drama that you can tell if you are having a girl because the baby will "steal your beauty" and you look exhausted and terrible through your pregnancy.  True Dat (at least for me).  The tough thing is that I think they continue to steal it.  Or maybe it's just that being sleep deprived for nearly 7 years coupled with snarky, soul-sucking, Ego-decimating commentary has crushed me??

Yesterday I was having a coffee and conversation with a girlfriend and the subject of Aging Gracefully came up.  We debated and discussed all manner of plastic surgery, injectibles, obsessive exercise, diet, and then....my friend dropped a bomb on me.  She said, "You know, we're pretty much at the crest right now.  We're probably never going to look better than we do right now".  So, basically...we have to decide what we're willing to accept and what we're going to try to fight.  But I recognize that all manner of interference with the aging process will have repercussions.  You can look young (Joan Rivers) but it means you also look kind of freaky and like a cat.  You can have body parts rearranged, lifted, sucked, pulled...but gravity is not going anywhere. So, it's a slippery slope.  You can start injectibles (and seriously, Jennifer Aniston looks about 25 and she smokes so don't tell me that's all Good Genes), but once you start how do you stop??  The wrinkles disappear and then they are back if you quit...and worse!  I don't have an answer.  My official opinion on record is that I think people should do what makes them happy and feel good about themselves.  If they can afford it, go for it.   Once again Stay Tuned.  At this rate, my kids should be the Advance Team for a plastic surgeon....and they've got me pondering any number of procedures.  Course The Husband would be horrified.  

For now, I'm getting my Fabulosity in the form of Shoes and Handbags.  But I'm wearing Pants and Make-up.  You Know It.