Monday, February 28, 2011

Barbie Girl vs The Girl Scout

I am currently embroiled in a battle of epic proportions between two of my personalities.  I call them Barbie Girl and Girl Scout.

Barbie Girl is on a mission to be Hollywood thin, with perfect white teeth and no proof of her age evident on her face.  Barbie Girl makes me buy magazines like People Style Watch and Self.  She makes me watch The Biggest Loser and she makes me buy iPhone apps called "Lose it" and "Carb Counter". Barbie Girl is at least a little bit misdirected and I recognize that it's possible she might be slightly crazy.

Girl Scout is completely logical.  She recognizes that she is a healthy weight, is fit and active and lucky to have been born with a relatively fast metabolism.  Girl Scout prioritizes having a healthy self-esteem, believes in eating in balance and living in moderation.  She knows that food is a great joy in life and that a joyless life is not one she wants to be part of.  She works hard to be a Good Example to the kidlets and doesn't like to use words like "diet" or "fat" or "calories" in the presence of her two darling kidlets.

The trouble is that Barbie Girl gets fuel from outside events like The Oscars, and The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.  She is easily influenced and gets more than a little bit competitive.  Barbie Girl sits back, smirking and whispers in Girl Scout's ear, things like "You COULD be that thin" or "If you just had more will-power..."  Girl Scout can't really argue with those things, because, frankly...all good Girl Scouts want to Do Thier Best.

So, Barbie Girl talked Girl Scout into joining a Fitness/Weight Loss competition.  The logical argument she made was, "It will be a great motivator to work out 6 times a week!  Who cares if you lose weight?!"  Only, Girl Scout is the good girl pre-adolescent version of me.  She is slightly insecure deep down (admit it...we're all still a little bit of our awkward 12-year-old selves), and when involved in a competition where the goal is to see the scale drop...she feels like a giant failure when it doesn't.  Or worse....it CLIMBS.  Girl Scout doesn't weigh herself regularly.  She likes to do a periodic check-in to be sure that nothing has gotten out of control, but for the most part...is happy when her clothes fit and she hasn't gone too far outside of the "normal range".  Barbie Girl, left to her own devices...would weigh herself twice a day.  She has tried every diet known to man: no carb, low-carb, Weight Watchers, juice fasts, Slim Fast...and on and on.

So, this Biggest Loser competition started out fine.  Weigh-ins weekly...first week, normal.  Second week, down 1/2 pound.  Third week...up 2.5 pounds??  Wait.  what?  I'm eating healthy foods, in normal quantities.  I'm exercising (like a fiend)...how is this possible?!  Barbie Girl is NOT happy.  She has put Girl Scout on a diet.  But Girl Scout is opposed to diets.

Here's the thing about dieting: it makes you obsess about food.  I'm pretty sure I'm eating more now than I was last week.  Because I am constantly planning the next thing I am going to (get to!?!?) eat.  And the truth is, Girl Scout knows that her clothes still fit.  And she feels fit and healthy.  And she can run for 30 minutes with the treadmill on 7.5.  But Barbie Girl is plays dirty...she is there when I catch a glimpse of my backside in the mirror.  Snickering.  Smirking.  Raising an eyebrow.

I'm waiting for Girl Scout to do the right thing and Bring the Smackdown to Barbie Girl.  Stay tuned.  I'm going to work out.

1 comment:

  1. I agree a Smackdown is in order! You're fit and gorgeous.

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