Friday, February 18, 2011

Miss America

The most frequent question I am asked by friends who are baffled by our choice to live like nomads...planting our feet on foreign soil for a few years and then moving on...is "Don't you Miss America?".

The short answer is yes.  But of course it's much more complicated than that.

So to keep it simple, I'm going with yes, I miss many things about America.  But, strangely, I find that living outside of the US has made me more aware of and more proud of the things that make me American.
Look out...I'm about to go all Glenn Beck on you....and have a big ole Patriotic rant.  Or not.

The Top 5 Things I Miss About America
1) Target.
 I realize that this is a controversial choice for my number one.  I really should be saying my my best friend or my sister, right?  But Skype and Facebook make it possible (if we all make the effort) to keep in fairly consistent touch with people.  But Target?  I miss you so.  Target is the Great Bastion of American Shopping and I took it for granted for 30 years.  When we first moved to Switzerland I was so charmed by the Provincial village life that I waited a year or so before going verbally postal on the ridiculous shopping options available in that country.  But that needs to be a whole other post.  At Target, I can blissfully spend 3 hours (between 1am and 4am if I'm jet lagged and so inclined!) wandering from Department to Department with a hot Starbucks (in a to-go cup!) in my hand.  Yes, I will inevitably spend $200 before I am done (and all I needed was a greeting card and sunscreen)...but it is my Happy Place.
2) Large, Icy To-Go Beverages.
Now that I've been to a good number of countries...including those we Americans romanticize and worship...I'm telling you this: Only in America can you get a Giant Icy Fountain Drink.  Well, perhaps also in Canada.  But, what's the difference?  (oooh, I'll get some backlash for that one)  I know that the 100 ounce, popcorn-bucket sized, 3000 calorie Mountain Dew is a big reason why The Biggest Loser in the US has a contestant every season who weighs as much as a small car, but I don't care.  I drink highly- caffeinated diet versions (yum!  additives, artificial flavorings and caffeine!), and I LOVE them.   Hitting the drive-through for a large fountain beverage is the second thing I do when I get in a car after landing on US Soil.  The first?  Map the route to Target on my iPhone.  Didn't you read #1?
3) Mexican Food
I've tried to duplicate Mexican Food at home.  I'm not ashamed to admit I've packed black beans and authentic home-style tortillas in my suitcase in an attempt to recreate the culinary orgasm of real American-style Mexican food in my own home, but it is just not possible.  I love the whole range: Taco Bell, Chipotle, Rick Bayliss, the scary dive place where nobody speaks English (or French...trust me I tried).  I think there is a time for each.  And I promise you that when in the US, I will frequent any and all of these places of business as much as possible.  I'd have a Chalupa for breakfast.
4) Deli Sandwiches
This could probably be broken into three categories...but for the sake of making this list not 6 pages long, I'll make it simple.  I didn't realize how unique the American-style sandwich is until I moved abroad.  I don't want a 2-inch pat of cold butter on my sandwich.  Ever.  I love baguette and croissants.  But not for sandwiches.  I also don't want it pre-made and plated and stored in the glass display case in a (lovely!!) tea room.  I want peppery, meaty, delicious Pastrami served on fresh, grainy bread with a big smear of mustard, Miracle Whip (okay, I confess to importing this, too. I'm kind of ashamed of this one, though), freshly sliced garnishes and a guy who owns the deli making it for me. I want it served with kettle chips and (yep you guessed it!!) a GIANT icy fountain drink.  And yeah, I know this is too much to ask.  I'll also settle for Subway in a pinch.  But I'd prefer Potbelly if I have to have a nose-ringed angsty teenager making my sandwich.  But neither of these things is going to happen.  Yeah, yeah.  There is Subway in Hong Kong.  But it's NOT Subway.  You know what I mean.  That meat is from China.  Enough Said.
5) American Friendliness
Okay.  This one is kind of sticky.  I'm not trying to controversial here, but we've all heard the Ugly American stereotype.  I need to be honest here and say there is a reason for it.  We are an ethnocentric country.  As a whole we aren't really aware enough of world issues and we certainly aren't aware of them from personal experience.  We have had the privilege of not having had a war on our soil for as long as anybody I know can actually remember.  We exist blissfully in the absolute certainty that American is Best.  Now, that is both ignorant and dangerous.  BUT.  It also means that you meet people every day that are so sure in this knowledge that they are free to smile at a stranger, provide customer service like it is their job (wait...it IS their job!), and engage in conversation with somebody you meet in line at Starbucks.  I know, my friends from New York are like, huh?  But here's a news flash: New York is not like the rest of America.  I miss the friendliness of Coloradoans, the slow drawl of the smiling Kentuckians and the kindness of the Iowans.  And I might be generalizing but at least I'm talking nicely about Americans.  That's more than Bill O'Reilly does.

So, there you have it.  Next post?  The things I love most about Not Living in America.  Maybe.  You never know.  Trouble might sleep past 5:30 and I'll have a coherent thought for a change.

6 comments:

  1. Your posts, like you, are perfect. Keep them coming.

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  2. Hit the nail on the head with this expat, great blog - and I loved the subtle shout out to Kris! :-) Hope to see you all in HK this summer/fall, and that you and your posse make it down to Kuala Lumpur as well!

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  3. Icy Beverages = Happy Hour at Sonic :)

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  4. Your posts are so CUTE! PS We leave tomorrow!!!!! Can't believe so soon!

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  5. You have a gift, my friend. How did you manage to hit on the universal holes in every expat's life? Three years back on US soil and I'm still almost giddy every time I go into Target(and you know what a good, non-complaining Swiss shopper I was). Can I say it again?: reading you is almost as good as having a coffee and quiche (NOT a sandwich)at Angel Cafe. Almost. Wanna do Starbucks at my local Target this summer?

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  6. Andrea -

    I love this blog! And reading this one made me laugh! I did live abroad from ages 0-2, so obviously never missed these things. But if I were living overseas now, I am sure my list would be identical! Especially Target as #1! :) Keep up the awesome work.

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