Thursday, April 14, 2011

Cake Pops

I'm Running on Empty, as Jackson Browne would say.

I have managed to pack my days so full lately that I've left no time for the little moments....like a quiet bathroom break, or, say, taking my peeling, chipped, Britney Spears-esque week-old nail polish off.  C'est la vie.

Today I spent an hour on the floor of my office gluing construction paper to a giant sheet of Styrofoam and then plotting out a grid on which to display the Cake Pops that I ordered for Drama's birthday party.  Why, you might ask, did I not just make a cake...or like any good Tai Tai (read: Chinese Housewife) buy one and have it delivered?  Well, it was partly the fact that I'm still stinging from the cake debacle of 2010.  Wherein I ordered a fabulous ice-skate made of cupcakes 3 weeks in advance only to find out 4 days before the party that the Bakery "no longer did cakes".  I did find an amazing last-minute bakery.  Drama's cake was STUNNING and absolutely delicious.  It also cost as much as a car payment.  So, this year I priced cakes, I debated making one and then I found the most adorable new product available from the Worlds Most Expensive Bakery (which actually has a page called Xtravagant Cakes...so you can have an exact copy of an Hermes Birkin Bag made out of cake and fondant for your 4 year old daughter's birthday...for about the price of a real Birkin Bag...only don't take my word for it.  You have to fill out a special request and give a blood sample before they will quote you a price on an Xtravagant Cake).  This darling little confection is along the cupcake line: bite-sized and cute.  It's called a Cake Pop.  Little round delicious globules of cake, dipped in frosting and sprinkled.  So cute!!  And about 25% of the price of a Low-Brow, Nothing Fancy Cake from the World's Most Expensive Bakery.  Yay! Sign me up.  Only, how do you put candles in a lollipop?  More importantly, how do you display them?  Enter a large sheet of Styrofoam and my creative "genius".   Let me just say that the pops better be delicious, and the kids better love them.

I still feel that my time is highly valuable.  My billing rate should be somewhere around US$300 per hour by my calculations.  Nevermind the fact that I have not worked in any actual financially-contributory fashion since 2005, where my billing rate was probably about 10% of that figure.  If.  So, by my calculations, this is going to be the world's most expensive Cake Pop Base.  I just have to finish outlining the giant number 7 with silver glittery pen first.  Because when little girls are the target audience, just add more bling.  Seriously.

Which brings me to the next point:  Birthday Gifts for overpriviledged children.  Obviously, one has to give a child a gift for their birthday.  And my children, while overpriviledged (relatively, of course), are actually really Good Kids.  They pick up their toys (mostly...or to be more accurate Drama picks up the toys while Trouble finds ways to get the rest of us to do it for her), they are grateful and polite and actually seem to know that they have more than they actually "need".  So, when I asked Drama what she wanted for her birthday she quickly replied, "an iPad".  Yeah.  Me, too, kiddo.  Not. Gonna. Happen.  "An iTouch?" I didn't even reply, I just raised one eyebrow and she looked sheepish.  "Rollerskates."  I had to think about this one.  Do kids actually still rollerskate?  I spent every Friday night in 5th and 6th grade at Skate City.  "You mean rollerblades?"  I asked her.  "No, the REALLY old kind, from the olden days, mama".  Ah.  Yes, that kind.  D'oh.  So, the child will inevitably get a pair of "old fashioned" rollerskates for her birthday.  Her sister will pick some silly sparkly bauble for her from the Stanley Market, and she'll have to make room somehow for the barrage of gifts that will arrive from the Grandparents that miss our kids and send them giant packages for their birthdays.  I'm thinking of instituting a "New Item In, Old Item to Charity" policy.  It's tough with Drama, though, because Trouble is just now growing into a lot of the toys that Drama doesn't use anymore.  But, seriously.  Does any household need a sofa-sized ottoman full of Barbies?  Because we have one.  And the lid doesn't close all the way.  And they are always naked.  Which isn't pertinent but I find it puzzling.

So, my overscheduled, chipped-polish, high from sparkly-fumed-marker self is going to go upstairs to finish trimming the Cake Base.  Check back after Saturday for photographic evidence of my genius.  Or to smile at 14 adorable first grade girls, and one grinning Trouble.

2 comments:

  1. You crack me up! I just wanted to pop in and say I am always reading, love your blog. I just don't always have time to comment.

    Hard to believe your big girl is going to be 7. My big girl is going to be 6 in a few weeks. I love the roller skates idea...I've been struggling with what to get the kid who needs nothing...

    ~Melissa (Momlissa)
    familyworkcaffeine.wordpress.com

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  2. I remember several absolutely adorable birthday cakes for Drama that cost nothing more than a few Betty Crocker cake mixes, a Barbie, a Polly Pocket or two from Toys R Us and a few sprinkles!! Ah, the good old days! Carrot Cake Cupcakes from scratch (because I thought it sounded so much more healthy !!!!) on Drama's first sounds absolutely boring now!!! How I miss those birthdays!!! Makes me want to cry!!!

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